and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize