Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I touched a dick in church today
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
