Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
