dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
