I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize