I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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