I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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