I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
