So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why is your signature on my underwear?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
