you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
