I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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