I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
