if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize