Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I FOUND THE LEGS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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