I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize