Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
