The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
