Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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