honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
