I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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