I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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