First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say š
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl heās not seriously considering marrying.
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