I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
