dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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