You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
