You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
