i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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