I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
