My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
