also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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