On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
