Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
