Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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