I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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