If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
