in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
