Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
