you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
