She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
