What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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