I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
