i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
