i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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