I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize