I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
