don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize