Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
