So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
