My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
