You just made me feel so damn special
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
