On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize