Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
