worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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