you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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