i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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