I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
