mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She needs sedatives and a leash
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
