you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
