She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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