If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
