tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
