I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's blow job season.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
