I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
