My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They have beer where we have blood.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
