I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize