you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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