ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
