New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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