I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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