You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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