How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize