Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
