I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
