somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize