Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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