he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
