Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize