So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
