At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
