They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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