I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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