can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
