There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
