Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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