thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
