He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
