So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
