those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
