the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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