I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
