That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
