I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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